Teenagers and anorexia: a parent’s worst nightmare
It was an early Tuesday morning and I was making a bagel with cream cheese and jelly for my youngest daughter, Marissa, so she could take it to school since we were running late. My oldest daughter, Clarissa, who was twelve at the time, walked into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and poured herself a glass of orange juice. I asked him if he wanted a bagel too and he was quick to reply, “Oh, gosh, no! Do you have any idea how many calories are in that stuff, Dad? I didn’t think much of it at the time, but I was alarmed enough to share this.” with her mom. Later that night we sat down and had a chat with her and she went on about how fat she was. This coming from a 12-year-old girl who, at the time, weighed only 90 pounds. We stressed to her the importance of eat well and that all the images I saw on television and in magazines were not real, I looked my daughter straight in the eye and told her that in many parts of the world there were children who as of 3 in the afternoon still had not eating breakfast, much less worrying about her weight. I mentioned needing to be thankful for what we had, our daily bread as I called it. I really hoped to God it all went down. Fortunately, we never really had any more problems with her or with my other two children that topic. Turns out our family has been lucky. There now appears to be a growing epidemic of eating disorders in the US among ‘Tweens’ (children between the ages of 9 and 12 in the childhood and adolescence stage).
I do not want to eat anything!
Now fast forward to a few years later. One day I was watching television and was suddenly very alarmed by a news report. The program talked about Tweenorexia; a new problem facing children today. The reporter began to say that more than 80% of 10-year-olds were afraid of getting fat. You read that right, 80% of TEN year olds! My youngest son is now 11, so I sat there and watched the show intently. They were interviewing a girl from Chattanooga, Tennessee named Shae. She was the typical normal ten year old girl. Shae has been on the gymnastics team since she was four years old. So one day she decided to leave the team to concentrate on her social life and her studies. A month after leaving her mother, Michele Walker, she began to notice the changes in her daughter. Michele sometimes listened to the comments Shae made while she was looking at herself in the mirror. She heard her exclaim one day “Look how fat I am!
Of course, if he saw her, he’d wonder what she was talking about, since she weighed the normal 85 pounds for her height. Shae, speaking now in the interview, mentions how she would often pick at the fat on her stomach. Though it was just skin, in Shae’s mind they were signs of imperfection. She shortly after she refused to eat anything but salads. She then became obsessed with exercising. Shae began wearing baggy clothing to hide her shrinking body and weight from her family and friends. In three months, she dropped from her healthy 85 pounds to just 68. Her mother was so alarmed and concerned about her appearance that she took a photo of her in a bathing suit to show her how thin she is. I was. Now only 10 years old, Shae had become anorexic. Only ten years!
As I looked at this little girl, I couldn’t help but look at a photo of my three daughters hanging on the living room wall and shuddered. That could have been, still being one of my girls. I felt the pain of the mother and could only imagine what she would have done if she had been one of my children.
Dying to be thin; How far will the children go?
It wasn’t long before Shae had to end up hospitalized in an eating disorder clinic. For her, it had become a life or death situation. Shae had to be fed through a feeding tube to slowly regain her normal weight. Here was this girl who admits on camera that she had suicidal thoughts at age 10. Suicide at 10 years old? Life is hard enough for kids to deal with weight issues so early in life. After months of therapy at a camp for kids like her, Shae is back to eating healthy. Now, three years later, she reviews everything that happened to her with the experience of an adult. She says that she no longer has feelings of imperfection. Shae now accepts herself for who she is. This story is at once disturbing, worrying, and surprising. What have we become as a society that children so young have to go through this?
The truth is that all parents should be concerned because the numbers are terribly staggering. A recent study of elementary school teachers found that 60% of them say that eating disorders are a problem in their classroom. 16% of girls ages 8-11 are on a diet! The numbers for young children, although slightly lower, appear to be increasing.
The signs to look for; They could save your son!
Many times while my daughters were watching TV or flipping through magazines, they would talk to each other about how perfect and slim all the models or actresses looked. “Real life isn’t like that,” she often told them, hoping they would assimilate. Desperately trying to help you not feel inferior to the characters you saw on TV or saw in commercials, I brought this message home. However, this is why we as parents need to listen and be aware of not only what our children are seeing, but also what they are thinking and saying. What or who influences their decisions? Some of the first signs of an anorexic teenager are anxiety, depression, and an obsession with perfection. Signs that something may be wrong are a disruption in the child’s normal behavior, personality changes, and/or mood swings. Reserved behavior coupled with the child becoming withdrawn or overly anxious should be cause for alarm bells to go off. Of course, if he or she insists on taking a sudden shower after a meal, be aware that this may be a way of masking purging. Once your son or daughter starts talking about wanting to omit an entire group of foods from the menu, pay more attention to them. If he or she suddenly overexercises, this should immediately cause a lightbulb to go off in her head. At this point, you should talk to your children and perhaps see a doctor together who can emphasize the importance of eating from all food groups. Remember that anti-obesity messages in schools can sometimes backfire.
The perfect look. Are TV and magazine ads to blame?
What role do teen movie stars play?
You may be surprised at the HUGE influence a teen pop star or celebrity can have on the decisions your child may make. I write this article and shake my head to see how completely off track we have become as a society. When 8-11 year olds, normal by weight + height standards, feel the need to go on a diet, it’s sad and disturbing. But can we blame then when you see it everywhere? Billboards and TV, movies and video games, magazines and the Internet. Especially toys like barbie dolls, who always seem to have the perfect figure. How many exercise commercials do you see in a typical day? Every image that is thrown our way always shows the perfect body! The perfect face! Is the film industry to blame? How many teen movie stars do we see on TV looking dangerously thin? Some, as if they glorified anorexia. Sometimes their influence trumps any parenting advice we can give our children. I think we’ve become obsessed with perfection. No normal adult can compete and deal with that on a daily basis. How? And if we as mature adults can’t deal with it sometimes. How can we ask our children to do it?