The Cup of Forgiveness

Does your family drive you crazy? Erma Bombeck once joked that madness is hereditary, you get it from your children. Maybe your parents are being the problem, revenge for your time as a teenager. Sometimes it seems like the Creator had a great idea to make sure we were born into the wrong family so we can have an adventure and find out who our real family is.

In my practice of Thetahealing, most of the pain that people have to recover from is the pain caused by our families. It has been a huge part of my journey to heal from a painful childhood and the pain I had inflicted on my own daughter. Our families should be the safest place on earth, on every level, and yet for many it is just the opposite.

Our family is very close. We share the same sense of humor, work ethic, and values, and each of us has our own quirks and annoyances. Good people who occasionally made bad decisions. We share the attitude that life is about learning and not letting ourselves be held back by a mistake, but accepting the consequences and trying to be better people for it. Even with our desire to be close and supportive; Like many families, judgments, resentments and grudges have crept in over the years. As the day to day took over and we didn’t get together as much to reconnect and clear things up.

To say that 2006 was a difficult year is an understatement, apart from the death of my best friend; my family lost three of its members: my maternal grandmother at the age of 92 after a long battle with cancer, my stepbrother at the age of 44 from lung cancer, and in the fall of 2006 my 16-year-old nephew by suicide.

My nephew’s death was the sonic boom of all the wake-up calls. I was holding my sobbing niece and I heard myself whisper in her ear, “Now you’re going to know what families are for.” And it was true. I have never been so proud to be a part of this family because we personally and collectively chose the path of Love. When we tell people about this experience, we say that Love took over and guided us.

The morning we were going to go make arrangements at the funeral home, I was woken up by a voice saying “Drink the Cup of Forgiveness before you gather to cry.” I saw my family doing a ceremony to commit to forgive each other, ourselves and even my nephew so that our hearts would be pure and open to each other so that we could support each other with nothing between us but LOVE.

I told my family and they immediately accepted. It was SOMETHING we could DO when we felt so powerless.

That same night we got together. Because I was the one who got the message that my family let me take control of what was going to be said at the ceremony. We lit candles, arranged glasses and a bottle of wine. I started by reading a poem called “Childhood Friends” by Rumi which had a line “I brought you a mirror. Look at yourself and remember me”. To remind us that we live in the hearts of others and when we look at each other we see each other. When we love each other, we love ourselves. When we hurt each other, we hurt each other.

I said, “If you want to see Sean and tell him you love him, just look in the mirror, that’s where he is,” then I walked past a mirror and each of us looked in the mirror and said, “I love you.”

Let me explain something, I keep saying “me” but it wasn’t me. He was too wise and loving. It was love.

In the Christian tradition it is taught that before we come together for the Lord’s Supper or Communion as it is also called, we should go to anyone with whom we have a problem and ask for forgiveness so that we can share communion with an open heart and a clear understanding. aware. Our ability to receive forgiveness is in direct proportion to our ability to forgive. Note that I did not say how much God would or could forgive, but rather his ability to receive that forgiveness.

We are also taught that unless we love the brother we can see, how can we love a God we cannot see? I’m sure other religions also teach this idea; this is just the way I’m familiar with.

A friend once shared a Sufi prayer with me: “I forgive you completely and freely for anything you have done to me in the past, are doing to me or may do to me in the future and I ask you to forgive me completely and for what I have done to you.” I’ve done it in the past, I’m doing it to you now and I can do it to you in the future I release you, I pray you release me, may there be only love between us.

I discussed these concepts with my family and then said as we drank this cup of forgiveness, let it be our agreement and commitment to forgive one another, let there be only love between us.

There is much more to tell about everything related to the death of my nephew. Too much to count in an email; but let me say this: he healed my family. He healed me.
We were able to be totally supportive to each other and to all of our friends. We have also been able to receive the help we need from family and friends. I know my friends were wonderful to me during that time.

My mother asked that we drink the Cup of Forgiveness at my grandmother’s memorial, which was also our family reunion in October. I was able to share this small talk with more than 50 family members and they all accepted. I will never forget the sight of those 50 people changing consciousness and seeing the light of love begin to shine in that room. What a gift! I’m ready for the next 20 Christmases’.

People encourage me to write more about Sean and everything that happened because it has transformed us all. My family wants to share what we learned and experienced during this tragedy, we also know that this story is still unfolding.

I invite you to consider creating your own forgiveness ceremony. Maybe you can’t do it with the family…yet. You can start with your friends who make up your current support tribe. Even if you have to do it alone in front of a mirror, maybe that’s the best place to start. Make room in your life for the good things by clearing away those old resentments and grudges.