Strength in Grief: Death, Divorce, and Loss

Our argument is that pain and grief are key reasons many people suffer from depression, anxiety, and even substance abuse. Somewhere in the past something happened that has led us to an unhealthy way of thinking, feeling and living. Sometimes we just leave the past behind and pretend it never happened. We are told to hang in there and move on. We could take the other approach that seems to prevail in our society and only focus on the past and not live life in the present or here and now as it is called. The sad truth is that both ways of dealing with pain from our past can cause unnecessary pain and further complicate our lives in the future. So what can we do? The pain is real and the advice we’ve been given doesn’t seem to help. Well I can tell you that there is hope and understanding, that is the key to a better life.

The situation offers us two options. One, we live our lives on bread and do what we can to ‘get by’. This is how most of us deal with the tragic events of life. As stated above, it’s really not a healthy way to deal with things. The second option is that we face the pain head on. This sounds difficult and it is, but it not only offers you healing, it gives you the tools to live a happy life with a deeper understanding of who you are. Talking to someone about your experience is almost always your best bet. Talking with someone who has been through the grieving process can help you find your own inner strength. I have done my own research on this as I have suffered a lot in my own life. What amazes me the most is that most of the people who have truly made a difference on this earth have found a way to turn their sadness into strength. It is a humiliating process to admit that we need help. Many of us live our lives in pain thinking that we are being strong. Strength, true strength, only comes to the humble. Those who have beaten addictions know this, and in many ways our pain can become a kind of addiction. It controls our life and draws the power we need to live our lives with purpose. I know it may seem like holding on to our pain is strength, but it’s an illusion. So how can talking to a therapist help? Let me first add that you don’t need to be a therapist. This could be a family member, friend, or clergy member. The key to this is for the person to be objective about your pain. That is why it is good to talk to someone who is not prejudiced in your situation. This means that the person is not afraid to tell you things that you may find difficult to accept. If the conversations are made with purpose and with empathy, you will have the ability to grow from the pain.

So what is pain? The simplest way to describe it is the pain that is a sadness caused by a loss. Most of us equate pain with death. We all feel the sting of death at some point in our lives. This type of tort is for many the most difficult of all. To really deal with it, we need to dig deep and find out what it is that we value. That is, we need to find out what our core beliefs are. No therapist can tell you what those values ​​are, but a good therapist can help you discover what you believe and value. This will give you a solid foundation to face whatever life throws your way. This is a process and the only part of that process that I can offer you in a short blog like this is ‘Keep Hope in Your Heart’. I know it sounds cliché, but it is the heart and soul of not only recovery, but it is the key to becoming a strong person. I urge you to Google others who have found their strength and sense of purpose when tragedy struck in their life. The list is endless. From Winston Churchill to Abraham Lincoln, Corrie Ten Boom, Princess Diana and Betty Ford, who took their sadness and depression and used it to help millions of people suffering from addiction. These people may be few and famous, but millions of people have lived a life of purpose and joy by finding hidden strength in the midst of pain.

There is another point that I would like to touch on. Pain and grievance come from a loss. Although losing a loved one or friend is an important category of this, there are other forms of loss that can hurt us. Divorce, loss of a job, loss of opportunity, or loss of joy caused by depression. There is no shame that it is insignificant if you care. You need to know that. If it’s important to you, it’s important. That’s part of knowing who you are, and the process of dealing with any pain is something that takes time and effort.

The approach to recovery is both practical and emotional. That is, there is healing in simply talking about your life, and there is recovery in such things as journaling, making lists, and reading. A good therapist will work with you at your level and find the right balance to help you find your inner strength. There is hope for all of us and the first step is often found in getting out of our comfort zone and talking to someone.