Reduce stress in relationships this Christmas
For many couples, Christmas can be a stressful time. What is meant for a joyful and relaxing time can simply become a stream of expectation management with the ultimate goal of “trying to keep everyone happy.”
The irony is that the more we try to keep everyone happy, the less happy we become and the more pressure we end up putting on our loved ones. Understandably, the first step to reducing relationship stress is to stop trying to keep your family, children, and partner happy this Christmas.
This may sound ‘hard’, however, with a little reflection, you will discover that it is an impossible goal. Instead, allow everyone to take responsibility for their own happiness this Christmas, including yourself. The most painful thing about trying to keep other people happy is that ultimately we never make it and in the process of trying to keep others happy we make ourselves unhappy by overcommitting and not being true to ourselves!
Having made this decision, the next step is to identify and release the expectations that you feel that your relatives, your children and your partner have ‘placed’ on you. To find out what these expectations are, simply write them down on a piece of paper. ‘Regarding my children/partner/relatives at Christmas I must or have to… and see what comes out. It is essential that you actually write down these answers instead of just thinking about them.
Once you’ve completed your list of expectations, accept that while they seem to come from ‘outside of you’, these are in fact your own expectations of yourself. Then ask yourself if holding on to these expectations will give you or your family a happy and stress-free Christmas. Finally, make the decision to let this go by simply taking a deep breath and saying or writing ‘I choose to let go of previous expectations’.
Having wiped the slate clean in terms of all the things you think you should or have to do, ask yourself, “What would be a really relaxing, enjoyable, and meaningful way for me to celebrate Christmas this year?” You can write this and share it with your partner and ask their opinion. If there are differences between your dream Christmases, first help your partner let go of their own expectations, and then explore how you can honor the essence of what you both love.
Once you and your partner are clear about the Christmas of your dreams, you can share it with your children and family and allow them to participate within the deadlines you have set. Remember that you are not trying to keep anyone happy. Those friends, family and children who were going to be stressed and disappointed will find a reason to be no matter what you do at Christmas. At least then you and your partner will feel fantastic!
Watch a free 10-minute seminar from Dixon Hammer and Tanya Outridge on reducing stress in relationships at Christmas [http://www.thedynamiccouple.com/page/68418/default.asp].