Know what to overlook

The art of being wise is knowing what to miss.

~ William James (1842-1910) Physician, Psychologist, Philosopher

When I was in the Air Force, we used the expression “Fall on your sword.” It meant that you felt so strongly about a particular issue that you were willing to jeopardize your career or reputation for it. The expression goes back to ancient Rome, where a soldier would literally fall on his sword and kill himself.

This was usually done to avoid capture and dishonor by your enemies after the battle. In Japanese culture, the samurai tradition called it hara-kiri. Harakiri commits suicide by disemboweling himself with a sword rather than face the dishonor of surrender. Today, the expression “Fall on your sword” means to publicly take responsibility for something, even if it will lead to loss of office and/or reputation.

There must be things in life for which you are willing, at least figuratively, to fall on your sword. Remember the adage: “If you don’t stand up for something, you’ll fall in love with anything.” Also, while you may have problems that you are willing to fall on your sword for, there must also be things that you are willing to overlook.

King Solomon wrote,

“A fool shows his anger immediately, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.”

As a stepfather in his blended family, he must expect offenses and must learn not to respond to each one, especially small ones. Here are the benefits:

• less drama. As defined by the Urban Dictionary, drama is defined as “making a big deal about something unnecessarily.” When the provocative behavior does not get the desired response of annoyance and frustration, they will stop the behavior. Don’t be the drama king or queen, leave the drama where it belongs in the theater.
• Models of Humility. You are giving up your “rights” for the sake of peace and unity. You are no longer following your instincts by responding to offenses in the same way.
• teaches forgiveness. By overlooking offenses, you are forgiving the person who committed the offense, letting it go and not holding it against it.

Committing to overlook minor offenses doesn’t mean you become the doormat of the family. Think of it as a reminder that you are a mature adult and the need to be willing to be a bigger person and let things flow. Find the balance that works for you and your limits within your blended family.

The following quote from Henry Longfellow should have special meaning within our blended families.

“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we would find in every man’s life enough pain and suffering to disarm our hostility.”