Keanu Reeves does NOT suck, and I can prove it

If I were to tell you about an actor who has consistently worked in major Hollywood movies for over two decades, has often worked with Academy Award-winning writers, actors and directors and has a legion of fans following him in all of your movies no regardless of genre or story, what would be your immediate reaction to this person? Would you think “Wow, this guy must be great. Twenty years of studio movies, he must be talented.” Based solely on the description of the actor written above, with no names attached, would you ever in your right mind assume that the person was bad at his trade? that he sucked. Most likely you wouldn’t. And yet if after giving you that description I told you that the actor is Keanu Reeves, I bet I know what your reaction would be. “He stinks!”

I just don’t understand. In every interview she gives, she comes across as a perceptive, cerebral, well-rounded person who doesn’t indulge in the whims of stardom and never asks for more than he needs. His co-stars shine for him and quality directors are lining up to put him in his movies. And yet, for some inexplicable reason, he is tormented by the idea that he is stupid. And that he has no talent. And I just don’t get it.

How can he suck if he’s still making great movies twenty years into his career? Most of his early companions are gone and forgotten; actors like Christian Slater, Judd Nelson, Emilio Estevez, Andrew McCarthy, et al, and yet here he is coming out with a great new movie this Friday (The Lake House). He has survived critical beatings more severe than he deserves. He has been interrupted, criticized and deplored because he has good looks but empty affectation. He is perceived as a flat actor, without charisma, devoid of emotional depth. And yet he’s still here making great movies. This is how you explain it to me.

I’ve been a Keanu fan since his Bill & Ted days. I have defended my love for the man that Neo would be to each of my friends and family. I’ve gotten into screaming matches with people I barely know, just because I heard them hit the man. And I have never lost an argument about him, because nobody can prove that he is not a gifted and talented artist. They lose, because I can prove that he is.

But my discussion stops now. Once and for all I’m going to prove to the world that Keanu Reeves does NOT suck. And I’ll prove it to you in a 40-point list format. I promise you that when you finish reading this article you will respect, admire and appreciate the talent that Keanu Reeves has.

Let the test begin…

1. If you weren’t impressed by Keanu’s southern ruthlessness in The Gift or at least agree that it was breathtakingly intense, then we have nothing to talk about. Just click the “X” and leave this site immediately.

2. Contrary to popular belief, he has never won a Razzie Award. Which is more than I can say for these actors: Halle Berry, Charlton Heston, John Travolta, Bruce Willis, Kevin Costner, Demi Moore, Marlon Brando, Dennis Hopper, Sylvester Stallone, Sharon Stone, Faye Dunaway, Woody Harrelson and Madonna.

3. Without being asked, he gave $38 million to the Wachowski brothers so they could properly finish the Matrix sequels. 38 million dollars! Let’s see Tom Cruise spend that much for one of his clunkers.

4. He has worked with the following critically acclaimed directors: Francis Ford Coppola, Ron Howard, Bernardo Bertolucci, Gus Van Sant, Sam Raimi, Taylor Hackford, Lawrence Kasdan, Stephen Frears, Richard Linklater

5. “Whoa”

6. Keanu’s name means “cool breeze over the mountains” in Hawaiian, which is cool. He compares that to Jean Claude Van Damme, which loosely translates to “giant idiot” in German.

7. The night before filming his smooch-filled love scene for A Walk in the Clouds, Keanu put a hockey puck in his mouth, which required six stitches. He still showed up the next day for work and shot the scene over the course of six hours. Let’s see a queer like Orlando Bloom do that! Keanu is tough.

8. Showing extreme foresight and good judgment (which is more than I can say for Sandra Bullock), she dropped an easy $10 million payday to star in Speed ​​2, because she didn’t think the script was good. And she was right. Tell me again why people think it’s stupid.

9. He deferred part of his salary on The Replacements (2000) so that Gene Hackman could be cast. Obviously the man knows what makes a movie great. And that would be the Hack Man.

10. Has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. They don’t just give them, you know.

11. A personal quote: “I’m an idiot, man. You’ve got smart people and you’ve got dumb people. Turns out I’m dumb.” At least the man is brave enough to admit who he is.

12. He’s not as stiff, rigid, or stupid as Paul Walker.

13. He has starred in six movies that grossed $100 million. Which is more than the following actors who are claimed by many to be “better” than Keanu: Johnny Depp, George Clooney, Russell Crowe, Leonardo DiCaprio, Colin Farrell, Richard Gere, Hugh Grant, Ethan Hawke, Val Kilmer, Jude Law, Matthew McConaughey , Sean Penn, Joaquin Phoenix, Tim Robbins, Kevin Spacey, Vince Vaughn, Dennis Quiad and Al fucking Pacino!

14. She hardly ever appears in the tabloids, a very welcome quality considering the glut of media prostitutes we have today (ahem, TomKat!).

15. Yeah, he gave people the impression that he’s an idiot, and no, he’s not Shakespeare, but come on, who doesn’t love the excellent Bill and Ted adventure?

16. “I’m an FBI agent!” That line rules.

17. He decided to leave his band “Dogstar” so that the rest of the group wouldn’t be held back by his celebrity or his busy schedule. Which is more than I can say for some of the other jerk actors/wannabe rockers (ahem, Russell Crowe).

18. I managed to keep a straight face throughout the abysmally horrible Sweet November. That requires talented people.

19. He has worked with the following Academy Award-winning actors: Al Pacino, Gene Hackman, Rachel Weisz, Charlize Theron, Jack Nicholson, Diane Keaton, Marisa Tomei, Morgan Freeman, Anthony Hopkins, Emma Thompson, Denzel Washington, Anthony Quinn , Kevin Kline , William Hurt, and then the guy who played Bill in Bill & Ted’s. I’m pretty sure he’s already won a couple of Oscars.

20. It’s “The One”. Mention of guarantees.

21. He knows his acting limitations and, in doing so, doesn’t try to stretch himself too far into roles he couldn’t do; Which means not only that his movies are better, but also all the movies that he rejects. He is making better movies that he is NOT in, someone give up on this man.

22. Does not have a computer. So now you know what that means…she’s not a MySpace slut.

23. In his review of Speed, Roger Ebert had this to say about Keanu: “Keanu Reeves has never had a role like this before. In fact, in his previous film, he played the mystical prince Siddhartha and generally tends to be a dreamer. “. sensitive characters. That’s why it’s amazing to see him so cool and focused here, a completely compelling action hero who is just as focused and resourceful as Clint Eastwood or Harrison Ford in similar situations.”

24. He has made movies in all genres.

25. Played Buddha. No, I’m serious, “the” Buddha. Between playing fucking Buddha and playing a stoner in Bill & Ted’s, why do people think he has no rank?

26. In the ’80s, he taught the world’s stoners a thing or two about history (and took Napoleon to Waterlube). Also, I’d be annoyed if you didn’t add that he’s totally no, no, no, no, no, no, not heinous.

27. And despite being seen as a “stoner,” he has never been typecast on screen. In his various film roles, he has played: an FBI agent, a police officer, a serial killer, a lawyer, a doctor, a dentist, The One, a quarterback, a musician, an advertising executive, a nuclear physicist ( hello!), a redneck, a soldier, the fucking Buddha, a gay hustler, and a Dog Boy.

28. He knows kung fu. So, you know, don’t fuck with him.

29. When Keanu decides to make a sequel: Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. When Keanu decides not to make a sequel: Speed ​​2. Can this guy pick winners, or what?

30. None of the following: a scientologist (Tom Cruise), a john (Hugh Grant), a drug addict (Robert Downey Jr.), a cheater (Jude Law), a phone thrower (Russell Crowe), hard to work with with (Val Kilmer) or an evil bastard (Sean Penn)

31. In addition to his obvious acting talents, Keanu also: surfs, rides motorcycles, was a hockey goalie good enough to earn the nickname “The Wall,” plays Shakespeare, reads philosophy, plays guitar in a bunch of rock bands, dances in ballrooms, rides wrinkled horses and “knows” kung fu. Is there something he can’t do?

32. Her name is actually pronounced “kay-ah-nu,” not “key-ah-nu,” and yet she never makes a fuss about it (ahem, DEMI!).

33. Has Had On-Screen Romances: Charlize Theron (twice), Sandra Bullock (twice), Monica Bellucci (twice), Rachel Weisz (twice), Carrie-Anne Moss (three times), Diane Lane, Connie Nielson , Dinah Meyer and Uma Thurman. This doesn’t necessarily prove his specific level of sucking, but it does prove that hot actresses want to fuck him on screen, which is an important quality in today’s movie stars. For example, nobody wants to catch Adam Sandler, and he’s not as good an actor as Keanu, even if you count Punch-Drunk Love twice.

34. He appeared in the pilot episode of Jay Mohr’s amazing short-lived show Action. And since that show ruled everything, he, in turn, receives a percentage of the sentence. Let’s say 17%.

35. To his everlasting credit, he never did a cameo in Will & Grace, making him one of only five movie stars in the world who never did.

36. He was the host of a documentary program called “Children Remember the Holocaust.” He supports faith, I support him.

37. He has a college class based on his movies. “The Movies of Keanu Reeves” at the Art Center College of Design in Pasadena, CA. Name another allegedly “abusive” actor who has a college class named after him? That’s right, you can’t, because Keanu is the only one. Because he kicks ass AND educates the youth of tomorrow.

38. He turned down the role of Val Kilmer in Heat to make a production of Hamlet in Canada. If I haven’t said it before, let me say it now, the man goes about his business. He works on it, he tries new things. He keeps working. Even if you think he’s not getting any better, at least he’s trying. How many movie stars continue to strive after achieving success? How many just slip into generic roles and unspectacular performances? Keanu pushes himself. He screws everything to his limitations, he works hard and I respect him for that.

39. British drama critic Roger Lewis of London’s Sunday Times (who knows something about Shakespeare, after all he is British) had this to say about Keanu’s Winnipeg performance of The Prince of Denmark in Hamlet: “He quite embodied the innocence , the splendid fury, the animal grace of the leaps and bounds, the emotional violence, that make up the Prince of Denmark. He is one of the three best Hamlets I have ever seen, for one simple reason: he ‘is’ Hamlet.”

40. He brought to the world the phrase “Bogus, dude”, for which we are all eternally grateful.

Now tell me, after reading this article, do you still think it sucks?

I do not think so.