Tips for dealing with a spouse who always takes your children’s side

An extended family is quite a test and many adjustments would need to be made. Special care is needed with stepchildren to prevent offenses, which can make living together a very difficult situation.

Dealing with stepchildren is difficult on its own, and if your parents always take your side, things can really get out of hand. I think the reason one parent sides with the kids is because the other parent isn’t around. He might feel responsible for it in some way or he might feel that he has no power to prevent the absence of the other Parent, as in a case of death, so he might indulge the Child or Children too much. No matter what his reason is, it’s still not a reason for him to neglect us.

I am in an extended family and this was a problem in my house. My Husband would take his Sons side over me. He said it wasn’t true, but I could see that it was and it really caused some trouble between us. At one point I was thinking about getting a divorce because I wasn’t willing to stay in a relationship where the kids were in charge. Then the Lord spoke to me and told me to stand firm.

There is an order by which a relationship must go. God must be first, then the Husband or Wife, and then the Children. No child should precede the spouse. If so, there will surely be tension in the marriage.

As I said, the Lord told me to stand firm. I started out defending myself as a wife. I prepared for a disagreement by focusing on what was right. I talked to my husband calmly and pointed out the areas where he had taken his children’s side over mine. At first everything went well, however, this is a process and it takes time to undo, especially when a habit has been formed. Therefore, every time she saw it happen again, she would bring it to his attention. It didn’t always go well for me, but I didn’t back down because I had the word of God sustaining me.

It’s easy to resent Kids in situations like this, but it’s not the right thing to do. I continued to treat them well and with respect to maintain a good relationship with them, but also let them know and show them that I was in charge because I am an Adult.

My husband is a professional truck driver and is often away from home, which means the kids and I were home. At first they thought they wouldn’t have to do what I asked but I stuck with them. I would like to say what I said, if I promise to do something for them, I will do it. I spoke to them respectfully and told them the right thing. If they were wrong, she would let them know, and above all, she wasn’t afraid of them or what they would say to her father. They soon got my message about who was in charge and are now less likely to go over my head with their father.

My husband has sided with his children over me, but when I discuss it with him it is in private. I don’t want the Children to use it to his advantage. In some cases, children will not like their stepfather and if they know that their father will always take their side, they will surely use it to hurt the stepfather. That is why the discussion must be private.

We must give our Husband the opportunity to change things with his Children. We should not expect it to happen overnight because there is a link between them. You need time to find a way to deal with them. It shouldn’t be too long because that would mean that he’s not trying to change things, but if we see little things happening that haven’t happened before, that’s an indication that he’s trying to figure it out. One important thing to look for is these simple little words; let me talk to you first. That indicates that our Spouse cares about us and he doesn’t just agree to what he wants without asking for our opinion.

This process can take a while, but the main thing is to remember that we are the Spouse and we are ahead of the Children. If we need to assert ourselves, do so because it will make the relationship that much better.