How narcissists use the silent treatment to punish their victims
Narcissistic partners like to use the silent treatment and other passive aggressive punishments on anyone who dares to call them out for suspicious or questionable behavior. Particularly demoralizing, invoking the silent treatment is a narcissist’s way of teaching the victim a lesson and asserting control in the relationship. I speak from experience when I say that putting someone through the silent treatment is one of, if not the most, hurtful things a narcissist will do to fulfill their relationship agenda. What the silence “tells” to the victim is that it is not even worth acknowledging… that the very existence of the victim is not worth the narcissist’s time in the day.
At first, my narcissistic ex-boyfriend of twelve years put me through the narcissistic silent treatment every three to six months. Twelve years later, silence came to me on a two-week, two-week-off rotation. Of course, the relationship had become so ridiculous at that point that she would almost welcome silence as painful as it was. Even now, I hate to think about the girl who was suffering on the other side of that rotation because I’m sure she existed.
No matter how long or how often you’re subjected to the silent treatment, the feeling you’re left with is indescribable. To add to the pain, the narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath usually won’t even explain why they’re ignoring you. This causes feelings of despair and often forces the recipient to apologize just for apologizing, hoping to end the nightmare. Of course, everything the victim feels when she is rejected and ignored is exactly what the narcissist wants that person to feel. Remember, everything a narcissist does or says is a means to an end. Behind every narcissistic action, there is always an evil motive. With the silent treatment, the motive has to do with control.
Meanwhile, while the victim suffers, the narcissist goes about their business until, at some point, the punishment becomes “enough.” When this happens, the narcissist usually returns unexpectedly and offers little or no explanation as to why he left or didn’t answer the door, phone, emails, or texts. Having felt so broken and despondent during the silence, the victim is often so relieved that it’s all over that she doesn’t demand answers anyway. This particular response, by the way, is an intentional result of this type of passive-aggressive punishment and one of the powerful ways in which a person with this personality disorder is able to lower the expectations of others so that they expect less of him or her. get away with it. with more.
You must understand that there is never a good reason for absolute silence. Communication is key in any relationship and should not be controlled by one person. The narcissistic partner will stop at nothing to hurt you and will cross all boundaries, personal and otherwise, to break your spirit and literally destroy you. The silent treatment is just one weapon in the narcissistic partner’s endless arsenal of pain-makers, and you are the only one who can stop it. Trust me, the narcissist never will.